Spring fells me like a bull each year.

While everyone else is springing away, I drag my feet in early September. It’s the sight of green grass mixed with capeweed. It’s the feel of the warmer than usual air. It’s the smell of the air. And five years feels like nothing at all.

We moved into this house five years ago, on the 30th August 2008, and three days later my husband got sick. He had a brain tumour and that’s what made him lose his mind (or perhaps the radiotherapy). After that he went to hospital, where he spent the remaining eight months of his life.

Then.

Then.

Then his oldest son and my stepson caused a lot of trouble and another family ended up taking him in. But last year in early summer he was arrested for murder. So this year spring for me means a build up to that awful time, an awful anniversary.

And now.

And now.

I am hoping I will one day get back my joy of spring. I think I first lost it when I moved to Alice Springs, and each September it would be “here comes the heat” and six months of blast furnace weather to follow. Maybe I need to get right away somewhere different in order to achieve this, as I seem to have nothing but bad associations. Autumn is when I generally feel more hopeful, as I look forward to the good things of winter. Like wood fires, soups, puddings, etc. We had a proper winter this year with good rains, only trouble it wasn’t long enough.

To have one final grizzle, this winter I had a red hot poker flower, I had only planted it in Autumn, so I was thrilled that it flowered the first year. But now the stalk is all withered, and the sight of it almost breaks my heart. Add to that the withering jonquils and the fact that the violets are almost finished!  A consolation is that the plant is multiplying now.

My red hot poker in the yellow garden.

My red hot poker in the yellow garden.

I must get in the car in a minute and go up to Sharon’s, for spring in her garden is always a joy. There are no bad memories waiting there, and she just absolutely loves the season, and that is evident in the planting. A cup of tea awaits also…

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: